The waiter came to collect the empty plates. We gave our compliments and asked to pay. Matt seemed more and more restless and I could imagine it was not easy for him to say what would upset me. "Go ahead, get it off your chest." I encouraged him. I wanted him to get it out in the open, so I could tell him it's okay. I was already planning where I would take him for dinner tonight, if he'd let me. As friends, like it used to be. "Bowie, the way I left...It wasn't what you think. When you told me, I was unprepared to hear it. I knew I was leaving for law school and I knew you'd be going somewhere else. I wasn't sure who I was and what I wanted and what you said back then made everything worse." Matt looked at me, visibly worried that I would take it wrong. I nodded my approval of what he was saying. "Through college you did an amazing job at keeping me covered. No one ever knew that I was gay. I was much younger and quite worried about my image back then." He smiled at me and the smile was slightly shy, like he was confessing something he knew I already knew. It had not been easy not to tell anyone about myself, but I knew his team would not have taken it well. A gay guy in the dressing room wasn't something they would have been thrilled about. They weren’t the kind of guys who would have understood Matt and I were just friends either.
”This is going to sound silly, but it was more than my image I was worried about. If we had got together after college...See, Bowie, these guys were real idiots. Good players, but not the sharpest tools in the box.” Matt’s eyes were fixed on mine as he spoke. I felt helpless like a puppy and let him go on, where ever it was he was going. ”One of the guys had his girlfriend leave him for a girl and they poisoned her dog. Can you believe that? The girl was too afraid to report them.” Matt’s eyes were serious and a chilling feeling took over as I started to realise what he was saying. ”That’s bad enough, but I can’t begin to imagine what they would have done, if it was one of them.” I felt disgust and anger fill my body slowly. ”I’m so sorry, Bowie, for leaving like that, but I felt like I had no choice. I couldn’t put you in any risk and I didn’t really know what I wanted.” This was not a successful lawyer speaking. It was the boy from the college football team apologising for those jerks. ”I was hoping you could forgive me.” I looked into Matt’s beautiful eyes and tried to swallow my anger and disappointment. This was not what I had expected or wanted to hear. It was supposed to be a clean cut. ”Of course I forgive you, Matt.” I forced a smile.
Matt gave me a sweet smile. ”Thank you. That means more than you know.” We paid after the rather long wait that was characteristic of the lunch hour in this part of town. Matt said something about the beautiful weather, but it was hard to get back to the cheerful mood we were both in before. We were standing outside the bistro and all I could think was that I did not want to let him go. ”Can I give you a lift somewhere?” I had some paperwork to finish later that afternoon, but it could wait. Almost anything could wait. Even if I could not have this man as my own, I could enjoy spending time with him. I could enjoy looking at him. ”My hotel is about 20 minutes from here, if you don’t mind.” Of course I didn’t.
We walked back to the office where my car was parked and talked about the weather in Madrid. ”I think I might come back soon. The weather isn’t enough to make me stay. The food is good and the people are friendly, but the work culture is different.” I knew I was being bad company. My answers were short and I was not being very social. Matt’s phone rang just when we reached the car. ”Excuse me, I have to take this.” He walked away from the car as I sat in to wait for him. I wondered, if it was a partner asking about the meeting, perhaps even about me. I was bringing myself down on purpose. One of my worse qualities. I was normally a pleasant quite social person, but when it was about love, I took things to new extremes.
Matt’s call wasn’t a quick one. After five minutes he made an apologetic gesture to show he couldn’t help it. I smiled back to show I was not in a hurry. He seemed slightly worried and serious while he talked. I kept looking at his face and couldn’t help smiling at his expression. He looked slightly older, but when he lowered his eyebrows like that, I couldn’t help remembering the exactly same expression on his face before an important football match or exam. I wish I could have run my hands through his shiny brown hair and kissed his full lips. His body was as lean and muscular as it had been when he trained actively. He must be going to the gym, I thought to myself. In his dark suit he looked edible.
I’m not bad looking myself, but nothing as impressive as Matt. It hit me then that Matt might have been avoiding having to tell me he was looking for someone a bit more attractive. I had been a skinny boy through college. I had managed to build some muscle and I had to admit, I now had a couple of extra pounds on me as well. I was shorter than Matt, my hair was reddish brown and a mismatch with my blue eyes. Before Matt ended his call I had convinced myself that must have played a part in my tragedy. Even in this dark mood, I had to rearrange myself to hide my semi-hard cock.
The call lasted roughly 15 minutes. Matt had a sheepish look on his face when he sat on the passenger seat. ”I’m sorry about that. I hope you’re not in a hurry.” He seemed worried and had no idea how much I had enjoyed simply watching him without being caught. ”No worries, I only have some paperwork to finish today. It seemed important.” His sexy eyebrows had told me that much. ”It was a phone interview for a company I’d love to work for.” Matt had the familiar smile on his face. ”That’s great. Maybe they have a different office culture as well.” I started the engine. ”It’s not in Madrid. It’s 30 minutes from here on the other side of the city.” My heart missed a beat. ”Really? Do you think you’ll take it?” Matt was looking out of the window and I couldn’t interpret his expression. ”If they’ll offer me the job, I think I will. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since I started my studies.” I wondered, if that would be great news or constant torture. A part of me quickly scolded me for thinking like that. He was my best friend and having him around would do good for me.
Matt gave me some driving instructions and then just stared out of the window for a while. ”Bowie, if you don’t have any other plans tonight, I’d still like to take you to dinner.” Matt didn’t look at me. ”I don’t have plans and I’d love to come.” I blamed myself for the unfortunate choice of words, but Matt didn’t seem to notice. ”Great. Do you know any good places around here?” Matt seemed a bit distracted and I wondered, if our conversation that night would turn out to be as bland as it had been since we left the bistro. ”I know a place. I’ll call and make a reservation when I get home. Would around six be okay?” We were almost at the hotel. ”Six is fine. What’s the name of the place? I need to find it on the map.” I smiled at Matt. He would have walked and not held it against me. ”I’ll pick you up. Oh, and wear something comfortable rather than a suit.”
The hotel was a small one between a dry cleaner and a cocktail bar. I parked my car at the back of the building. I stopped the engine and found Matt looking at me. ”So, I’ll pick you up around six...” I started. He turned to face me and stared into my eyes in a way that made me unable to move. God, how sexy he looked. He didn’t say a word, but put his hand on my cheek. Matt was studying my face and all I could do was to look deep into his eyes. I didn’t want to move or say a word. Anything I did might break the magic and he would leave the car. What was going on in his head?
There, staring into his eyes completely captured by his charm, I decided I would give it one more subtle try that night. It would be a night to remember, one way or the other.
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