It started simple enough, while looking for a present for mothers day you were wandering around Bed Bath and Beyond. Well over your head you had no idea what to get or what was good, but didn't have the common sense to ask anyone.
It was then that you noticed the Beyond section. Odd that nobody else seemed to notice. Thinking to yourself what the heck why not you head in. This area looks more like a factory then a store, a stark contrast to the rest of the place. So you continue down.
"Ah good you made it, I was beginning to think you might be late" An elderly man greets you as you round a corner.
"Late? What am I late for?"
"Your not late, right on time in fact. I only was getting worried that you might be late. I know why you are here" Digging around in a shelf he produces a basket with different soaps and oils. "Here your mother will love this and now for what you came back here for"
"But that is what I came here for, a present" By now you are a little confused and very worried but you don't want to be rude to the old man.
"Really? No troubles with your love life? You don't feel frustrated, you know down there" he says motioning to his pants.
"Okay now your freaking me out. I will just back up slowly now"
"Now now, don't be like that. I have something that is going to blow your mind. Ah here it is" Taking a small box down he hands it to you along with the basket. "Think of it as a universal celebrity remote. So long as they have been on television before for any significant amount of time you can modify them with this."
"That's all right I think I will just be going now" You take a couple of steps back.
"A demonstration is in order I think. I know I have a TV around here somewhere." He begins looking behind him in the shelves again. You spot the TV on a table across the room. What could it hurt you think and go over and turn it on. A Music Video is on with Britney Spears. "Ah thanks old boy. Now then this works best when your actually near them in person but it should still work on TV. All you do is click a button and..."
You watch the screen and suddenly Britney's breasts expand outward by several inches. She is still dancing and singing like normal (which you are surprised with knockers that large). Your still skeptical though. "I bet that took you forever on Photoshop."
"tsk tsk, fine don't believe me see if I care. Here try it yourself." He hands you the remote and you begin to press buttons at random while its aimed at the TV. After about 7 clicks Britney is now black, wearing nothing but a black thong, and in an intimate kiss with Christina Aguilera.
"Well this is very interesting how much is this?" Turning around the old man has disappeared leaving behind a note that just says "Enjoy and no returns" Shrugging you head home.
The next day you read in the paper that one of your all time favorite celebrities is in town. |