Mxyzptlk, fifth dimension imp of tremendous power and professional trouble-maker by trade, was bored.
Bored bored bored.
So bored that he sometimes turned into a wooden board, which also got him annoyed.
His normal activity, harassing Superman, had lost its flavor. The boyscout had gotten too good at tricking him into leaving. He had tried switching opponents, going after Wonder Woman for a while, but each time he tried she set a new speed record for tricking him into leaving. The FLASH couldn't run as fast as Wonder Woman tricked him away.
He debated turning from prankster to full evil after that, but that was no fun.
He tried going up against Batman next.
That was his lowest moment ever. The Batman, a powerless HUMAN, had FRIGHTENED HIM into leaving. Sure, he had reason to be better. When he had let Joker trick his powers away from him, the clown had used them to torture and murder Batman over and over again.
But that was no reason to make poor widdle Mxy crap his pants in terror, now was it?
Mxy sighed again.
He was bored beyond belief, and the only three he felt worth playing with were onto his tricks. He needed to do something...
He noticed Nightwing attacking a mugger as he floated over Bludhaven.
"Here's a possibility..." he thought, stroking his chin, "But what to do with him?"
He hmmed thoughtfully, and began looking around the multiverse for inspiration. Soon, he found a... rather interesting reality.
"...Oh ho... Oh ho ho ho... Oh that's too rich... And for someone raised by the bat..." Mxyzptlk chuckled wickedly.
Mxyzptlk giggled happily. He teleported down, appearing right in front of Nightwing as he leaped back into his apartment.
"You!" Nightwing said, uncertain of what to do. He recognized the imp immediately from Batman's files and knew how badly he was outclassed, immediately trying to think of a way to make Mxy say his name backwards...
"You'll thank me for this later, Dickie," Mxyzptlk said, snapping his fingers. Nightwing gasped, feeling himself being drawn out of his own body. He fainted, collapsing on the ground.
Mxy grinned, feeling the transfer occur and complete itself. "Kltpzyxm," he said, jumping back to his home reality and turning on his TV.
Meanwhile, Nightwing was slowly coming to. Rubbing his head, he looked around, checking for Mxy's presence. Finding himself alone in his apartment again, he frowned, wondering what Mxy was up to. He pulled himself to his feet, staggering a little. His body felt... different somehow. Sighing, he pulled off his mask and sat on the bed. "I'll call Bruce in the morning... And maybe Superman as well. Maybe they can tell me what the imp's up to."
He debated just laying down and sleeping, but decided to check the news first. Grabbing the remote, he turned on the TV.
The remote fell from Nightwing's stunned, paralyzed hand as he watched the report.
"...In national news, three of the world's most prominent Super-Hookers, super-powered women or female costumed-adventurers who also act as prostitutes, rescued billionare Bruce Wayne from the Joker today during one of Bruce Wayne's many charitable donations of technology and resources to the police. The three Super-Hookers, Justice League mainstays all, were the Kryptonian Superwoman, the controversial Gotham vigilante Batwoman, and the Amazon princess Wonder Woman. Bruce Wayne, orphaned years ago by a mugging, a known supporter of Superheroines' rights, and the champion behind the cause to legalize prostitution in the United States, had been captured as part of an elaborate joke by the Joker, which, if all accounts are true, would have ended with a giant smiley face being carved in Gotham's bedrock and filled with blood. While morality groups still protest the very existence of these women as well as their sexually promiscuous behavior, no one can deny that these women are heroes."
Nightwing turned off the TV in shock, suddenly no longer tired. He immediately ran to his computer, contacting Oracle, activating the signal that would show him Oracle's face and real voice.
He got another rather intense shock.
"Oracle here. What's up, Dick?" said the voice of the man he knew as James Gordon.
Nightwing just stared at the monitor as the older man turned his wheelchair around to see him.
"Ah..." he stammered.
Gordon frowned. "You okay, Dick?"
Dick stared at the monitor for a moment. "...No. Could... Could you do me a favor? Could you bring up the files on Superwoman and Batwoman?"
Gordon nodded. "Sure. Lemme call up the website..."
~Website?!~ Dick thought. Sure enough, a website called Whoreoines.com appeared on the screen. It was essentially an advertisement for the Super-Hookers, listing not just powers, but identities, real-names, what they liked to do during sex, what they wouldn't do, and who they'd do for free. He gulped nervously. He saw that several male heroes had been replaced by women who were their love interests in the reality he knew, as well as several villainesses who had apparently reformed and sold their services as... well, as Super-Hookers in addition to acting as heroes. He even saw several members of the seven Lantern Corps, as well as a female Czarnian that had apparently replaced Lobo. He clicked on the entries for Superwoman and Batwoman.
Name: Superwoman
Real Name: Lo-El
Alias: Lois Lane
Alternate Job: Reporter for the Daily Planet
Nationality: American (Naturalized), Kryptonian (Birth, planet and race destroyed)
Favorite Sexual Acts: Anal, Breastjobs, Bondage play (submissive)
People who she'll fuck for free: Clark Kent (husband), Jimmy Olsen, Perry White
One of only a handful of survivors from the planet Krypton, she was sent by her father Jor-El as a baby to Earth when his people wouldn't listen to his warnings to evacuate, where she was found and raised by General Sam Lane. Growing up a soldier's daughter, she was made a naturalized American when her alien heritage was discovered, rising to prominence both as a skilled reporter and as one of Earth's mightiest defends, as well as a frequent leader of the Justice League and one of the first known Super-Hookers. She's guaranteed to give a client a super time, and is more than willing to try new things.
Name: Batwoman
Real Name: Barbara Gordon
Alternate Job: Police officer
Nationality: American
Favorite Sexual Acts: Blowjobs, Bondage play (dominant)
People who she'll fuck for free: Classified
The daughter of the famous Commissioner Gordon, Barbara first took up the mantle of the bat after a mugging that occured when she was eight years old left her father crippled and her mother dead. Determined to punish those responsible and make sure that few suffered the same fates as her mother and her father, and inspired by a bat that broke her into her father's hospital room, she took up the role of controversial vigilante Batwoman. While she has the same intense libido as all Super-Hookers, she is much more reserved about it than... well, every other Super-Hooker on the planet. Considered the world's greatest detective, she's more than capable of deducing a way to make a client cum over and over again...
On each page was an image of Superwoman and Batwoman, dressed in sexy, revealing costumes. Superwoman's was more innocent, like a sexy girl scout, while Batwoman's, while unbelievably sexy, still carried the intimidating, invincible aura of the Bat that Bruce held in his timeline.
Gordon frowned. "Dick, what's wrong?"
Dick had to bite back the urge to giggle madly. He looked through the website, seeing sexy picture after sexy picture. He was well aware that something was very wrong. He had either been transported to another reality or Mxyzptlk had changed his reality. But he couldn't help but be aroused by the dozens of beautiful women he was seeing, all seemingly eager to give pleasure.
He saw a link near the top of the page called 'Global Freebies.' He clicked it, his curiousity peaked.
On it was another frighteningly sexy picture of Batwoman, with an explination next to a list of five names: "The men listed on this page have done what few could, and have earned the respect of every single Super-Hooker on the planet. As such, a universally agreed upon decision was made. The men that earn their place on this list get to fuck any one of us for free, every single time, no questions asked. We'll do whatever sexual thing they want. Men of this caliber deserve respect. And an eager pussy to stick their cock in..."
The first two names on the list were Bruce Wayne and himself respectively.
"...I... I don't know..." Dick admitted. He was confused beyond belief.
Gordon frowned. "I'll send Bruce and Barbara over. Meantime, why don't you make use of that Global Freebie status and get a quickie with someone? It might help you relax," he said, breaking the communication.
Dick stared at his computer screen, at a loss for what to do.
(Originally posted on the Superstories Addventure by Fanfic Fetishist) |