“I didn’t mean for it to happen, alright?!” blurts out, and it would take someone blind, deaf and stupid not to notice how distraught she is as the words stream out of her mouth.
You sit still and quiet and allow her to continue.
“I was just trying to keep you warm,” offers as a partial explanation, showing signs of needing some time to get to the point where she can really tell you what happened, “you were shivering and mumbling and I just thought that if I…”
“Things just got out of hand,” picks up again, and you’re eternally grateful to any and all higher beings that you’re too stunned by what she’s been admitting to make any lame ass quips about how the problems only started when “it” got in her hands.
“Look, , I’m not stupid. I figured out what happens when you wrap your hand around a boy’s cock and stroke it a long time ago,” stops again for a few more seconds and you once again choose to abstain from interrupting her, “It’s just that you know how none of your girlfriends has ever liked me? A couple of them even looked at me like they wanted me to die in a car accident or something, and after a while I started to think that all of them couldn’t be like that without there being something behind it other than just the two of us being best friends. And… I’d catch you look at me every once in a while, which I sort of liked, I guess, but then you never tried anything so I racked it up to you being a guy.”
“Yeah….” You manage to slip out, causing to offer you a quizzical look that lasts for a moment or two before she starts talking again.
“Anyway, remember my going-away party?” ’s question brings up some unpleasant memories. That night didn’t just serve to mark the beginning of eight months of missing , and the ensuing struggle to finally come to terms with the real reasons for it, it was also the very same night on which you and Marie broke up.
Of all your former girlfriends, although that’s one list that isn’t really all that long, Marie’s pretty much the only one that you actually think back to now and again. She’s also the one ex-girlfriend that didn’t have any issues with , and the two of them always seemed like they genuinely liked each other. Which wasn’t that strange, considering how alike they were.
The similarities between them, coupled with the fact that she was the one girlfriend that you really thought you loved, really should have made you think about , but that didn’t happen until your relationship ended.
“Uh-huh,” you nod your head as you give your terse reply.
“Well, I remember being blown away by how you spent all that time organizing it, managing to get hold of the house, getting everyone together, collecting money to buy food and drinks and everything else. It reminded me of how you’ve always done your best to make me feel like I’m really important to you, and how much I really like that,” stops looking at you, “and I spent a lot of time in England thinking about that.”
“The one thing that really terrified me about coming back was that you might be at the airport with Marie, that the two of you would have gotten back together again and that you’d decided that she was your soulmate and the one and that she was going to be your partner till the end of time.” hates all three of those terms, though she holds a particular dislike for the last one, having always maintained that a partner is someone you raid crackhouses with or avenge after he gets killed by Mendoza, and not the person you go to sleep with and pick out kitchen towels with. Still, it figures that she would have feared that you and Marie might have patched things up, since you barely mentioned that the two of you had broken up and was very careful to make it clear to that you had absolutely no interest in discussing it with her, always making sure to change the subject if it ever came up during your long and expensive phone conversations. And for some strange reason, went along with that, never once pressing you to tell her about it or anything like that, which is very unlike her. Usually, she’s pretty merciless when there’s something that she feels that you’re keeping from her, and can go on for days and weeks with asking you about every now and then until you finally crack and tell her everything.
Right now though, you don’t really focus on that. Instead, your thoughts are focused on why would have hated it if you and Marie had rekindled your relationship. There’s something implied here that even manages to keep your mind of the fact that ’s pretty much admitted to giving you a handjob last night, something which would otherwise be a pretty big deal.
“That night, I decided that I wanted to give you a proper goodbye and tell Marie how happy I was that she and I got along so great. And I was a little drunk, so when people told me that you two were down by the water on your own, I didn’t really get why it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to go down there and tell you all about it.”
The two of you share a glance, after which admits “Okay, so I wasn’t just a little drunk” before shrugging her shoulders.
“Anyway,” continues, “when I got closer to the water I could hear your voices, and then I stopped.”
It had felt so great that Marie had had so much faith in your relationship that she hadn’t even objected to how much time you spent setting up the party for , and you’d been planning to tell her that night how it would just be the two of you and that you would focus entirely on her from now on. And again, you didn’t realize until later how that hinted at your real feelings for .
“How much did you hear?” You ask.
“Enough, I guess,” doesn’t really have to say anything more than that.
While you were excited about getting to really move forwards with Marie, she instead choose to mention that she found it a little odd how much time you spent on . She followed up on that observation by asking you if you could ever care as much about her as you did about . Your response; three seconds of silence followed by a hesitant “Uh…”, apparently told Marie everything she needed to know to break up with you right there on the spot. There’s no ill will between you, and you’ve both been very happy to see each other on the few occasions when you’ve bumped into each other, but there’s no chance of there ever being anything romantic between you again.
“I spent eight months waiting for you to say something about it, but you didn’t, which I guessed was because you didn’t want to try anything over the phone when we were on the other side of the world from each other,” says, “but then nothing happened during the week when you visited me.”
“And when I got back, you had this trip organized for me, which led me to believe that something might finally happen between us, but then you go off and fall into a frozen lake and scare me half to death by nearly dying on me.”
finally falls silent, and the two of you sit there.
In summary, knows that the one girl that you almost loved broke up with you because she didn’t matter as much to you as , she’s been scared that you and said girl would get back together again, and she’s spent the last eight months waiting with bated breath for you to try and show you how you feel about her. Even you can figure out that there’s a pretty good chance that the two of you will stop being just friends any second now, if you manage to get your act together just this once.
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