You choose to remove your pants entirely. This solves the chafing problem.
Your waistcoat fits nicely and the top half of you feels like half of a new man. The lower half of you feels like the old man, but naked. You ponder the implications of a dualist perspective on 'without-pants' fashion.
You cough and hack up some pizza. You eat it again, because beggars can't be choosers, and also because you like pizza.
The sun is fully up by now. You feel the warm summer air around your face, around your groin, and catch a wafting fragrance chances across your nostrils. It must be freshly baked bread from the bakery round the corner. You remember how hungry you are.
Putting your best foot forward, you march out of the alley and towards the bakery. There are some funny looks, but didn't einstein get funny looks when he suggested that time is relative? Of course he did. Thus, what you are doing is fine.
Approaching the well-lit bakery, you stop, grin and hold the door for an old lady with an elaborate hat. She regards your top half with something like amusement, ponders perhaps a moment too long on the remaining half, and enters the store flustered.
Someone crosses the street to avoid you, it seems. |