Before John could respond, Sasha went over to the door and opened it, completely unconcerned about his state of dress.
The girl at the door was his old friend Jennifer, whom he had considered dating at one point. However, she appeared to have been hit by an ugly stick, though still vaguely recognizable. She was overweight, had bad skin, greasy hair, and a pug nose. While Jennifer had never been a beauty queen before, she had certainly qualified for cute. John's erection visibly flagged, and with an apologetic look at Jen, Sasha came back over and recommenced her inexpert ministrations.
"Hello John," said Jennifer. At least her voice hadn't changed. She closed the door. "I see Sasha is helping out today. Just close your eyes and imagine a supermodel or something, and we can get this over with."
"You know, guys, I understand that you love each others' personality, but having to ask for help getting your beau up so you can try for kids might be a bad sign," threw in Sasha, neither stopping nor improving her ministrations. 'Then again, what do I know, I've only been mentioning this since before you guys decided to get married, physical attraction or no."
"John and I have a very special love," said Jennifer defensively. With your eyes closed, you couldn't see where she was. Paying half a mind to the conversation, he tried to concentrate enough to get the power on the line. "I realize my glandular issues are an impediment, but the doctor is sure they are non-hereditary and our relationship is perfect except for the sex."
"What is going on!!" John thought desperately at the voice.
"You requested that she go along with whatever you initiate, be enthusiastic, and not notice changes. As you initiated manual sex, and she does not believe in sex before marriage, nor is she in love with you, the simplest method for achieving the desired goal was to have you be married in such a way that you would find cause to need her help with an activity she would be willing to perform manual stimulation to facilitate, ergo 'Be fruitful and multiply'. Jennifer was selected because you already consider her a suitable mate intellectually, and she was altered such that the assistance of her friend would be needed to facilitate your getting an erection, while leaving her intellect, which you consider most attractive, intact."
"What the hell kind of solution is this?!? You married me to a friend, hit her with three ugly sticks, and had Sasha help out with my getting an erection to stick her with, and you call this simple?"
"You to be dissatisfied with this arrangement. Would you like to change or retract your instruction?" |